Automatic:
ClicheSaying the same thing to the same person in the same wayAll the ways we use jargon or business-speakPredictable reactions to what you're feeling (lashing out, withdrawing, self-criticising)Tuning out from what's really happeningMost of our habitsAlways knowing, always being sureExcluding certain emotionsKeeping conversation within predictable, narrow boundsSaying "I am this way"
Responsive:
Asking "What's needed now, here?"Tuning in to the wholeness of the situation - with mind, emotions, bodily sensationRelaxing your need to know what to doLetting go of feeling safe, so that what's needed can ariseAllowing yourself to be surprised - at yourself, at othersFeeling it allGiving up defending, clinging on, controlling what's happeningDoing what's called for, rather than what 'one does'
We easily become masterful at automatic. And although responsive is our human heritage, for most of us mastering it takes ongoing practice because so much of what we've learned - at school, in work, in our families - gets in the way.We could do well to remember that responsive - much needed in our lives - is a lifetime's work.