Money is rarely just money to us. Beyond being a means of exchange of goods or services, it's also wrapped up with meaning - written through with stories and symbolism, emotions, hopes, dreams, possibilities and, often, fears.And the story about money within which each of us lives profoundly shapes our lives, given that it is an inescapable feature of the way human culture has developed.A few thoughts about what money can be:
- A way of trying to stay safe. If I have enough money, I won't have any worries any more. Of course, like so many money narratives, there is truth here - a certain amount of money is required to stave off hunger, or to provide a clean, warm, place to live. But how much money is required for safety? Once I've taken care of food and shelter, how much is needed to keep me safe from illness, loneliness, absence of meaning, risk of accident, death? Is there ever an amount at which the feeling of the essential, existential riskiness of life is soothed? Can I ever, actually, be safe?
- A source of fear and shame - in which having it is greedy, but not having it is terrifying. In this narrative any move with money is fraught with difficulty, because both accumulating and spending are highly charged activities.
- A way of accessing experiences and opportunities - education, travel, the arts, places to live. There's no doubt that money can provide entry to many of these, and the absence of money can keep some experiences well out of reach.
- A way of having a certain kind of power in the world - to buy or demand the attention of others, to convince, cajole, reward, threaten or influence others for whom money is an issue.
- A way to bolster self-esteem, or to look good to others. When I have enough money, people will respect me, or love me, or look up to me. When I have enough money I'll respect myself. A big question in this narrative - how much does it take? And how to deal with comparison - the inevitability that how ever much money I have, there will always be others who have more?
- Like a stream of water flowing in and out and through - in which my responsibility, and opportunity, is not so much to be the one who determines what flows in, but rather the one who determines where to point the flow. What will the stream water today, this week, this year, over a lifetime? Will it collect in a pool, a reservoir, a lake? Will it water just myself, those close to me, or others further away, perhaps even very far away indeed?
- A replacement for belonging, rootedness, home - with money comes the power to liquify what is solid, and to move it elsewhere.
There are of course, so many more stories about money in which we can live - stories that are handed to us by our families, and by our culture. And it's from the narrative in which we live and act that we assess what is of value, what things cost, what is worth spending on, how much to accumulate, what kind of work we should do and not do, when to stop, when to forge on, how much to trust the world, how afraid to be, what kind of person we can be, how safe we feel, and whether we can rest.
Photo Credit: Divine Harvester via Compfight cc
With thanks to Hilary K. who suggested this topic to me some months ago.

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In my research for
It's easy to feel sure that who I am is the inner experience I have of myself. To imagine that I am my thoughts, my values, my opinions, what I believe to be true, what I care about. And, consequently, that to change who I am - to grow, or develop, or address my difficulties - I only need to change my mind.It makes intuitive sense to think this way, firstly because of course we are each uniquely privileged observers of this particular, own-most inner aspect of ourselves that we call mind. And, secondly, we've been conditioned by our culture and its strong background of 
Here are some projects to which it's possible to turn your innate capacity for imagination.All of these are meanings already given to us: handed to us by our families and culture, and made up - constructed - by other human beings.Which means you, and I, and all of us, have as much possibility to imagine and declare new meanings and stories for each of these as anyone who has yet lived so far.Close in
In one way we human beings are masterful at repeating what we've already learned. It's our capacity to make sense of what we encounter, starting from a very young age, and to respond to what we find by developing skilful ways of coping, that makes it possible for us to navigate the already existing world in which we find ourselves.Without our capacity to become familiar with whatever world we're born into, so much would be impossible for us. Every new development in culture, language and technology would be so confusing to us. Imagine what it would be like if all of us were to wake up each and every morning unfamiliar with beds, shoes, doors, speaking, phones, cars, social custom, police officers, government, tables, computers, schools, forks... It's our very capacity to develop a kind of background, habitual understanding of everything that makes the development of new culture and new ideas a possibility for us at all.But our habitual familiarity is also a constraint for us, because we so easily keep on trying to cope with a world that has changed, long after it's changed. We repeat, for example, the roles and actions that we learned in childhood long into our adulthood - trying to get the approval we sought from the adults around us, or nursing old wounds, or replaying with our friends, colleagues and partners the roles we took up around our parents and siblings in our family of origin.Which is why a vital counterpoint to our familiarity with the world is our capacity to imagine. We are not fixed, however often it might seem that way. Neither are we doomed to play out reactive, repetitive patterns throughout our lives. We can imagine bigger worlds, and bigger possibilities, and new stories for ourselves and others.And when we find new stories - with more expansive roles for ourselves and those around us - and bring them to life by living them in our language and practice, with artistry and creativity, we can actually change the world... at least the world for us and for those nearby. And that is, always, the only place to start.Such acts of imagination are necessary for all of us. And they, like so many forms of creativity and generosity, can be learned and practiced over time.And it can be one of the most exquisite gifts of a human life to imagine and bring the new possibilities we see to other people's lives, as well as to ourselves.
Here's what I'm learning this week:I need more sleep than I usually allow myself. Much more.Solitude really matters. I really need sufficient time away from people, projects, words - even from books. The longer I am alone, the more I am able to let go of all the ways I'm bracing myself, clinging on, holding back. The less obsessive I am. The more keenly alive. And I'm kinder - to myself and others - when I've had time to encounter myself more fully.There is little that is more opening than a wide sky - whether blue with high clouds or speckled with stars.And there is little that restores me to myself more than trees, silence, and the sea.
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